GENEVA / WUHAN – In a discovery that left no one surprised and everyone mildly amused, the World Health Organization (WHO) announced today that researchers examining the SARS-CoV-2 virus under ultra-high magnification spotted something extraordinary: a tiny manufacturing label tucked between the spike proteins.
The microscopic tag, resembling something you’d find inside a knockoff T-shirt, allegedly included laundry instructions, a “Made in China” stamp, and dietary warnings such as “Do not combine with Vitamin D” and “Keep away from Ivermectin.”
“We thought it was a prank,” said Dr. Hugh Mann from WHO’s Viral Comedy Division. “But there it was — woven right into the RNA sequence. It even had a barcode.”
According to anonymous sources who definitely aren’t fictional, the joint task force between WHO and Wuhan’s totally-not-a-secret-lab concluded that the virus may have escaped quality control before final packaging. Rumors claim the virus was part of a limited-edition “Pandemic Collection – Winter 2019.”
One eccentric local, Mr. Lee Fuk (pangolin enthusiast and satirical composite character), commented, “Back in my day, we labeled our diseases properly. None of this secret sauce nonsense.”
China’s official response included an eye-roll emoji and a statement that read, “Please stop zooming in on everything.”
In response to the discovery, WHO has proposed that all future viruses come with a “do not unleash” disclaimer and QR code for real-time epidemiology tracking — and possibly a coupon for hand sanitizer.
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