KJ—also known as “King Joker”—has allegedly infuriated his higher-ups at Pfizer after failing to meet regional Covid-19 sales projections in Malaysia.
Albert Bourla, CEO of Pfizer, reportedly issued a show cause letter to KJ over his “unacceptable” performance. Bourla, seen here draped in bling and corporate payola, appointed KJ as the Exclusive Regional Distributor when the pandemic kicked off.
“We gave him the script—panic, lockdowns, boosters—and he fumbled it,” said a Pfizer insider. “This isn’t amateur hour.”
Described by critics as a “typical Malaysian klepto-politician with a D-grade IQ and SPM-tier vision”, KJ allegedly failed to keep the fear-driven sales machine running, causing vaccine numbers—and stockholder smiles—to dip.
Fortunately, the Malaysian Ministry of Health (MOH) has agreed to quietly massage the numbers upward. Their plan? Classify seasonal flu and asymptomatic sniffles as Stage 5 Covid cases.
This “quantitative easing for pandemics” is expected to artificially boost case numbers throughout February and March—conveniently syncing with Pfizer’s Q1 closing bell.
“We call it fiscal alignment with viral metrics,” quipped one MOH official. “Some people fudge budgets, we fudge pandemics.”
With the rate hike underway, sources say KJ may get one last shot at redemption—just in time for booster season.
