Malaysian fatwa scientist and Syariah law giver Dr. Zulkifli Al Bakri has issued a groundbreaking decree: penguins, previously presumed Haram, are now officially Halal and fit for Muslim dietary consumption.
Sources close to the Mensa award-winning cleric say his revelation came during a moment of divine channel surfing, where he accidentally stumbled onto a National Geographic documentary about Antarctic wildlife while flipping between Qur’anic recitations and global news.
Struck by the penguins’ wing-flapping, waddling gait, and general farm-chicken energy, Dr. Zulkifli experienced what he later described as a “halal epiphany.” Given the rising cost of traditional poultry post-pandemic, he reasoned that penguin meat could provide a cold, feathery, cost-effective substitute.
In response to the announcement, poultry stocks around the world dipped faster than a McNugget in chili sauce.
Meanwhile, the Global Fatwa Council has scheduled an emergency session to address the ruling, though unconfirmed reports suggest the Penguins of Madagascar have already converted in anticipation. Allhamdulillah.
